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Filed under: Warlock, Humor, (Warlock) Blood Pact

Blood Pact"s normal author, Dominic Hobbs, has taken a mysterious one-day sabbatical, leaving his weekly warlock column exposed and vulnerable. Like a puma, Christian Belt has pounced upon it, separated it from the herd and devoured it whole. What follows is his hastily digested leavings.

Before I begin, let me clear a few things up:

1. I had a death in the family and thus a funeral to travel to and attend, and so wasn"t able to write Arcane Brilliance this week for the first time in over two years.
2. Dominic Hobbs, despite his inherent limitations as a warlock, was able to reach deep within the black, fetid recesses of his heart and pry from them enough kindness to cover for me.
3. His take on mages was a satire, one that I actually found myself chuckling over as I read it upon my return. He suggested that the mage class was being done away with, merged with the warlock class.
4. It was thoroughly, obviously and quite intentionally ridiculous.
5. It made the internet angry.
6. Since he was kind enough to cover for me, I will now cover for him, even though he is in reality not gone, and in fact my opening suggestion that he was on sabbatical was an outright lie. I"m writing this because holy crap, it"s the warlock column, and I am the mage columnist, the ubiquitous Archmage Pants, the guy who"s made a running joke of shoehorning increasingly repetitive warlock hate into everything he writes, and when will I ever get another shot at sullying Blood Pact?

Some additional points to consider, before we get to the meat of things.

• If you came here for hard warlock info, as is customary in these class columns when Mr. Hobbs authors them, I apologize in advance. I am not Mr. Hobbs, and this is not hard warlock info.
• The hard warlock info is undoubtedly coming, if not in next week"s Blood Pact, then before.
• To everyone who got so indignant after the warlockian Arcane Brilliance was posted, crowing over and over about how April Fools was last week and this is a news site, that you come here for news, not to be tricked, and you will now go elsewhere for your news: You only had to wait a few hours. Then I got home from my trip and posted the mage class preview analysis before I"d even unpacked my bags. The hard info you crave will always be here; please don"t sharpen pitchforks and light torches when we endeavor to deliver humor to you also.

The link below will lead you onward to the bulk of this post. I have already warned you what that bulk is not. Click the link if you would like to see what it is. Two final hints: it will not increase the size of your penis, and it will not be porn.

Continue reading Blood Pact: Little-known warlock facts

Blood Pact: Little-known warlock facts originally appeared on WoW.com on Tue, 13 Apr 2010 15:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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